You live and you learn

For a very long time, certain people in my life, were used to me never saying much. I was never good at saying no to people, so I would let them take advantage. These people were used to my extreme dislike for conflict of any sort. It made me someone who they knew they could get validation from. Someone who they could always depend on to agree with them, even when deep down I didn’t. I was the perfect person to nourish someone’s superiority. To them, being around me not only meant that they were always in control, but also, they never had to worry about me saying the opposite of what they wanted to hear. Which also meant me never calling them out on their mistakes. Eventually, many years later, I grew out of it and grew into my voice. I began speaking up for myself, and against whatever I disagreed with. Conversations with these people thickened and conflicts did arise, simply because one – I wasn’t afraid of much anymore, and two – they didn’t like that shit. You see, the moment I slowly began to build a healthy relationship with myself, is the same moment all of the unhealthy people around me, who used to “love me for who I was before,” began despising me. They began despising me enough to spitefully retract. And if anyone knows me well enough, they know I can’t stand spiteful people. However, because I was raised properly, I don’t allow the actions of others to decrease my good manners. If they respect me, I respect them, if they disrespect me, I still respect them. I represent myself, not others. And representing myself meant removing myself from situations that I knew, deep down, were only going to continue hurting me in the long run. I’m at a point in my life where if you’re the slightest bit rude to me or make me feel bad about myself, I will shut you out of my life completely, no questions asked. Now, I silently remove myself from anyone who hurts me more than they love me, drains me more than they replenish me, brings me more stress than they do peace, and tries to stunt my growth rather than clap for it. My ‘let go’ game these past few months alone, is the strongest it’s ever been in my entire life. You bring negative energy my way? Good-bye. Treat me badly because you’re not where you want to be in life? Fuck outta here fam! I have tolerated enough shit from people for way too long now. The minute I feel like someone is about to start dragging me, carelessly, through some shit I know, deep down I don’t deserve to be dragged through, I’m gone. Because I am no longer in the business of rewarding bad behaviour, ungratefulness, and disrespect, with love, kindness, and constant support. That ship sailed. All of the goodness I have to give is reserved for people who are going to appreciate it and reciprocate it. The fact that I’ve stuck around these people for so long is mind blowing to me. You live and you learn.