Supergirl

Yesterday, as I was walking along with my dog, a little girl stopped me mid stride and inquired about my Halloween costume. At first fearful, she asked about my dog and if it was ok to pet him. Before I even got a chance to respond, he howled, then wagged his tail and started licking her. She proceeded to ask me about my costume and why I didn’t get a boy to dress up with me, as she had explained having seen couples now a days doing it. After hearing how up to date she was with modern times, I couldn’t help but take a second to think about a response. I could have chosen to reply with my usual, I hate social media remark, slash negative response about how the media projects women in relationships. Instead, the little girl in me decided to share a story. Granted, it was Halloween, and the perfect time to do so. I went on to explain to her about strong female characters portrayed in the media, like Wonder Woman. Given that the movie just came out, I thought it was a good idea to use that example. I also completely underestimated her googling skills, not realizing she knew about Lois Lane and Superman when I brought it up. But to use that example, in short, I told her that even though I didn’t have anyone in my life, you can still be Lois Lane or in her case Supergirl, even without Superman.

It’s funny how you plan your life, and it never goes as you envisioned it. You want to go left but you end up going right. You want to be different but you end up turning into the person you said you’d never be. Nothing ever goes as planned because there are always obstacles. I’ve changed what I’ve wanted to be so many times as I kept getting older. The one thing that remained constant was the fact that I’ve always wanted to be swooped off my feet by prince charming. I was always heavily influenced by relationships. Disney had made a starry-eyed dreamer out of me, and I refused to wake up. I mean what girl doesn’t want to find her prince charming. After being hurt so many times, I grew out of that happily ever after phase. Even my mother had told me to snap out of it. “You should stop focusing on boys. That’s why he left you after 5 years, he said you had no goals in life. No boy is going to like you if you don’t have a career.” Well to respond to that remark, since everyone always seemed to put their two sense into my relationship, that wasn’t the reason things ended. Besides the fact that he was cheating on me with someone he worked with, he found an excuse and ran with it. Didn’t mention that I quit school to stay in Toronto for his ass. Of course I had goals, I just put them aside for him. I can sit here and get into an in-depth story about the shit I put up with, why I stuck around, etc, but I won’t. Second of all, my mom is a realist, once a dreamer, now a pessimist, and I listened to her. Anyways after 5 years, I stopped believing in Superheroes. I knew the concept was packaged and sold to a frivolous and doe eyed demographic like myself. Until the day one showed up in my life and turned my preconceived idea on its head. Like some fairytale knight, he found me when I needed him the most. He pulled me out of the mire with his big, strong arms, and for the first time in a while, I felt solid ground beneath my feet. My legs were as unsteady as a new born, as though they had forgotten the simple task of walking. And I clung to him like he was the second coming, and I was the world's newest convert. He was my savior, like I was Lois Lane. I bet the hopeless romantic in her was expecting something better than the outcome I gave. I spared her the sad details. You know how the book is always better than the movie, because in the movie they always leave out some sort of important aspect? The realist in me, didn’t tell her that sometimes the bee’s sting and the birds never stay. Plus she was dressed as Supergirl for fuck sake, I didn’t want to ruin her night. Every little girl should grow up looking forward to something. I don’t care if its cliché or corny but the little girl or little boy in all of us, should never stop dreaming, even when you get older. 

I don’t think I’m the only one who has met a person like this. You know the ones that tell you they’ll put everything back together while they tear everything apart?! A person who will lie to you with so many words and promises. The ones that claim they’re here to save you, but turn out to be one of the bad guys. More often than not, you’ll find that there’s a sequel in all the superhero movies or shows that leave questions unanswered. Because they won’t leave you without a good conclusion. They won’t leave you without some sort of better outcome. This isn’t that story with a fairy tale ending. A new chapter of my life is just beginning. Clarke Kent hung up his cape a long time ago. I can flash my torch against the window or I can send a flare up into the sky, and it still wouldn't make a difference. The bat signal still shines in the sky, the Gotham towers are still lit up, there’s just no Clarke Kent here anymore. Sometimes you have to save yourself, and I’ve grown to realize that I can’t wait around for a superhero to show up every time I need saving. Plus I have so many dragons left to fight and battles left to win before a little girl with eyes like mine, depends on me to save the world.