It’s ok to be scared, love terrifies me too!

“Even if you go for it and it doesn’t work out, you still win. You had the guts to get back out there and try. That type of bravery will take you places!”

So here I am reading these letters that were written to me by Kenza, and trying to remind myself that not every guy is the same. Not everyone is out there to get me. But here my anxiety is, trying to tell me otherwise and there I go again pushing people away that are probably good for me, when all I really want them to do is stick around. I’m trying so hard to let these walls down, but shit my brain is so conditioned to this shit. I probably fucked up whatever that was, whatever could have been. It seemed promising for a bit. Maybe I’m not the only one having trouble letting people in. I just pictured it differently you know? Meeting someone and having a heart-to-heart. Telling someone all your fears, what you want out of life. A deep soul electricfying connection where they just understand you. They just get it. Feelings reciprocated, nothing one sided. But that’s all it’s been feeling like lately, one sided. And even though I’m scared of love, I still put in the effort to try, even when they don’t, and I think that speaks for itself.  

I started scribbling some shit at work today and although it doesn’t flow, someone probably needs to hear this! 

You push people away, when all you really want them to do is stay. You’re scared to fall, with no one to catch you. But darling don’t you know the fall can be beautiful? 

Never lose hope. Take a leap, that’s all you need. If you don’t embrace the rain, how will your flowers ever grow. There’s always a rainbow after the rain, there’s always growth after the pain. Take the leap, it can be beautiful! 

-A