Excerpt 18 'That Night'

I’ve never been suicidal a day in my life. I can’t lie and say I didn’t think about it that night. Not that I would have gone through with it anyways. I just don’t understand how a person that loves you, can do something like that to hurt you? All the things that he had done. I just kept telling myself that I was tired, that I just needed to rest, and that everything would be ok eventually. He kept calling my phone, and at this point I didn’t feel like answering. I’m too tired to answer. He sent a message, apologizing. I said to myself, “maybe this is the time he’ll finally realize what he’s doing to me. Maybe this time he’ll come to his senses.” But sorry never made it better. I just let it suffice. Why do I always believe him when he tells me he needs me? When he says he’s going to do better? I tried to believe that famous line, I really tried. I lost everything trying to do right. My sanity, my hope, and eventually the will to keep trying. I lay in bed for a solid hour, just staring at the ceiling. Most times, I would just lay awake. Questioning what I could do better to make us work. Funny thing is I don’t think he asked himself the same questions.