Excerpt 26 'It could have ended better'

I would have loved him. I would have kept stoking that fire until I was shaking and smoldering with it. I would have loved him till there was nothing left. Until we were both empty and full from the storm of it. That doesn’t happen often, not everyone can wring themselves out so completely and still be spilling over with love. When someone sticks around no matter how hard it gets, they really love you. I still pray that he’s ok because I knew how reckless he was. I pray that all the parts of him that I remember are still there. But I also hope that he knows it’s not the same. I hope he realizes what he lost and sometime when, a couple years from now, that realization shakes him to the bone. I’d hope that he’d realize it sooner and show regret, but he has way too much pride for that. And pride is one hell of a drug. You think I’d be the only one who suffered here, but that’s just because he hasn’t realized what he lost.

That’s the problem with leaving people behind, and leaving things undone. Like a ghost looking for a place to haunt. If there’s anything left undone, it’s bound to haunt you forever. I guess that’s why I have abandonment issues. I mean, this relationship could have ended better than it did. I shouldn’t have ended at all, but it did. When you realize that you don’t mean half of what that person means to you, it hurts. Because if he wanted me still, he wouldn't have cheated, right? A man who loves you will never abandon you. A man who misses you will always show up. It’s that simple, it’s that heartbreaking, I know.