The End Part 1

So I hope whoever picks up this story, that they get the message I’m trying to relay. Which is why I am not here to tell you tomorrow will be a new day. That the sun will go on shining. Or there are plenty of fish in the sea. What I will tell you is this; it’s okay to be hurting as much as you are. What you are feeling is not only completely valid but necessary – because it makes you so much more human. And though I can’t promise it will get better any time soon, I can tell you that it will – eventually. There’s always some character casualty caused by another character. This is just another one of those cause and affect stories. And I’m just the casualty this time. What I hope for is a better end product for those who are surrounded by this kind of pain – that you have a different outcome than I did.

If there is one positive thing I can say about the life I’ve had, it’s that it made me a better person. They are scars for a reason, they don’t hurt anymore but they are there to remind you of all thing things you’ve lived through, the moments that almost killed you and the ones that made you who you are. As much as I wished I had the happy carefree life everyone else seemed to have had, I have to admit, that it’s made me who I am – for the better, not just the worse. Every time I’ve been knocked down I’ve gotten back up and it’s a strength I gained from never having anyone to help me. Yes, I still have my break downs, where life gets too much and I have to go sit on a bench near open water, but that’s just part of the process. So now when I see someone else who’s down and out, I offer them a compassionate hand because I know how it feels and I believe that in their darkest moments nobody should ever be alone. Empathy is a gift and I share it with others, but it’s a gift that comes with a terrible price that only those who possess it know… Because to empathize with someone’s pain, you need to have experienced it yourself and that is the hidden price that compassionate people have paid to be who they are. So as much as I wouldn’t want to go back and relive them all again, I wouldn’t undo my life’s painful experiences either because I know that ultimately I wouldn’t be the same person without them. Does it hurt to be like this? Some days. Things are too much. Memories are too much and I don’t know what to do with all the over flown thoughts other than cry. I have days where I’ll be scared that I’ll gain enough courage to go over the edge. But that’s why I wrote this. To make other people aware of their actions. That everything affects everything. Tread lightly when you speak. Ask someone how they’re doing. Extend a helping hand. Give back. Give hope. Make dreams come true. Do what you can, even if it may not be much. Just be light in often too dim world.